Post by SPN on Dec 18, 2009 1:05:01 GMT -5
It’s time to brush the one year old dust of this old girl and take her for a spin. Today’s target of my hate… what else but Facebook, or rather it’s users.
Yes it is sad but true, the last time I ranted about Facebook I was saying how I’d never get it and how it leads to baby killing and stuff, but that was then and this is a cliché. Now other than total fail, loss of time that could be spent doing something productive, and reduction of brain cells leading to poor grammar… sorry I forgot where I was going with this, I really did have a point at one… well… point. Anyways this isn’t really rant so much as what I like to call a “general observation” of the Facebook public, in regards to their status. Now I don’t fancy myself a genius, what with Google open 24 hours a day as my personal spell/info check. However when it comes to Facebook it’s hard not to feel like the person with the last functioning brain cell on the internet. I know what you’re thinking, with observations like this you must spend way too much time on the internet and no one cares. To these I simply reply the only way I know how, that’s what she said… as irrelevant as that is.
With this pointless bullshit out of the way I’d like to get to tonight’s main event of bullshit: My general observation of Facebook statuses.
The Teen
“i hate skool its soooooooooooooooo anoying!!!!” - Almost always a grammatical reject, couldn’t tell you the difference between “their” “there” and “they’re” if their life depended on it. Capital letters, spelling, punctuation, and proper conjugation are all big words they tend not to understand. The explanation mark often makes an appearance in bunches. Words like “so” always drawn out in an attempt to express frustration.
The Loner
“Who want’s to do something tonight” - No likes you, if they did you would have been invited somewhere by now. Almost always spells it "tonite."
The Lovers
“I love my baby girl <3 <3” - Almost always followed by “ Is now single” in their profile a few days later.
The Addict.
“One sec, ima update my status so u no what im up to every min of every day.” - Pretty much someone who isn’t interesting enough for Twitter but has enough “friends” that someone is bound to give a shit. Grammar is almost always total shit.
The Music Lover.
“This song totally expresses how I feel at this current juncture in time” - Only you’re not smart enough to actually say that
The Generic.
“This is just generic to sound interesting, but it really isn‘t” - You’ve seen this bullshit. “what a day”, “can’t wait for tomorrow” only tomorrow is almost always spelt wrong. Similar to the kind of stuff your nagging girlfriend often says before another boring conversation, only now you don‘t have to pretend you care because you‘re not getting laid either way.
The Random
“ I fear void spaces… here’s some random shit” - Usually “oh my god this happened to me today on the bus”… no one cares… and mommy lied, you’re not special.
The Message
“Dear one person, I don’t believe in PM so here’s a generic enough message that you will get my point… but so will everyone else” - Do what you will internet, these people need to learn.
The Countdown
“OMFG I’M 17 IN 35 DAYS!” - Oh my god really! Did you know we have a tool for that, it’s called a FUCKING CALANDER. Also no one cares.
The Thank You
"Thanks for all the bday wishes!" - You're just too lazy to thank us all personally you shit, having 476 friends isn't so great now is it. Also I ran over your dog yesterday, guess you didn't get the message.
The Tribute
"R.I.P MJ" - Fuck you.
The Paragraph
“ This shit is so interesting paraphrasing won’t do it justice” - Shutting your mouth is the only justice I can think of at this point. The words "view all" should only apply to porn.
The Politic
“I have no certifiable background in politics, but I know my shit” - CSPAN > you
The Friend
“ Had so much fun with her friends last night” - Good for you, I often loathe the time I spend with mine.
Now I'm not saying I have never done any of these, but I tend to not do most of them... I'm sure I missed some, but who cares. If I feel like it I'll continue observations on other areas of Failbook and post some... mainly for the +1 post count.
Yes it is sad but true, the last time I ranted about Facebook I was saying how I’d never get it and how it leads to baby killing and stuff, but that was then and this is a cliché. Now other than total fail, loss of time that could be spent doing something productive, and reduction of brain cells leading to poor grammar… sorry I forgot where I was going with this, I really did have a point at one… well… point. Anyways this isn’t really rant so much as what I like to call a “general observation” of the Facebook public, in regards to their status. Now I don’t fancy myself a genius, what with Google open 24 hours a day as my personal spell/info check. However when it comes to Facebook it’s hard not to feel like the person with the last functioning brain cell on the internet. I know what you’re thinking, with observations like this you must spend way too much time on the internet and no one cares. To these I simply reply the only way I know how, that’s what she said… as irrelevant as that is.
With this pointless bullshit out of the way I’d like to get to tonight’s main event of bullshit: My general observation of Facebook statuses.
The Teen
“i hate skool its soooooooooooooooo anoying!!!!” - Almost always a grammatical reject, couldn’t tell you the difference between “their” “there” and “they’re” if their life depended on it. Capital letters, spelling, punctuation, and proper conjugation are all big words they tend not to understand. The explanation mark often makes an appearance in bunches. Words like “so” always drawn out in an attempt to express frustration.
The Loner
“Who want’s to do something tonight” - No likes you, if they did you would have been invited somewhere by now. Almost always spells it "tonite."
The Lovers
“I love my baby girl <3 <3” - Almost always followed by “ Is now single” in their profile a few days later.
The Addict.
“One sec, ima update my status so u no what im up to every min of every day.” - Pretty much someone who isn’t interesting enough for Twitter but has enough “friends” that someone is bound to give a shit. Grammar is almost always total shit.
The Music Lover.
“This song totally expresses how I feel at this current juncture in time” - Only you’re not smart enough to actually say that
The Generic.
“This is just generic to sound interesting, but it really isn‘t” - You’ve seen this bullshit. “what a day”, “can’t wait for tomorrow” only tomorrow is almost always spelt wrong. Similar to the kind of stuff your nagging girlfriend often says before another boring conversation, only now you don‘t have to pretend you care because you‘re not getting laid either way.
The Random
“ I fear void spaces… here’s some random shit” - Usually “oh my god this happened to me today on the bus”… no one cares… and mommy lied, you’re not special.
The Message
“Dear one person, I don’t believe in PM so here’s a generic enough message that you will get my point… but so will everyone else” - Do what you will internet, these people need to learn.
The Countdown
“OMFG I’M 17 IN 35 DAYS!” - Oh my god really! Did you know we have a tool for that, it’s called a FUCKING CALANDER. Also no one cares.
The Thank You
"Thanks for all the bday wishes!" - You're just too lazy to thank us all personally you shit, having 476 friends isn't so great now is it. Also I ran over your dog yesterday, guess you didn't get the message.
The Tribute
"R.I.P MJ" - Fuck you.
The Paragraph
“ This shit is so interesting paraphrasing won’t do it justice” - Shutting your mouth is the only justice I can think of at this point. The words "view all" should only apply to porn.
The Politic
“I have no certifiable background in politics, but I know my shit” - CSPAN > you
The Friend
“ Had so much fun with her friends last night” - Good for you, I often loathe the time I spend with mine.
Now I'm not saying I have never done any of these, but I tend to not do most of them... I'm sure I missed some, but who cares. If I feel like it I'll continue observations on other areas of Failbook and post some... mainly for the +1 post count.